wicked moody

2 February, 2012

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Right this minute Eli is applying for jobs in Oregon- we have to get out of this city. I refuse REFUSE refuse to have a kid here. The people, well, as bigoted as it may be for me to say, the people here Really Suck. It’s become a running joke: if someone is nice to me here, or even remotely polite, I enquire where they are from. EVERY single time they’ve laughed and mentioned a place far from this cow town of .5 million people. It’s something in the air pollution, maybe, or the narrow parking spaces and stalls that just breeds anger and shallowness.
Eli mentioned to me today how he hopes he isn’t totally burned out on trusting people when we leave- I agree: I’m worried I’ll drive like a Californian. (Holy hell is the driving terrible- it took me a year just to build the emotional stamina necessary for their road systems… to say nothing of the road rage, which locals are quick to point out they invented, before saying L.A. is worse).

* * *

I’m kind of struggling with this pregnancy thing, as you know. I’ve had it bouncing around in my head a couple days, how I really feel, and as much as you don’t want to hear it:

it kind of sucks.

There are a few good points:
1) Eli will get me anything I ask for, without bitching.
2) My hair and nails are growing like crazy
3) I’m having the most vivid dreams, and for once I actually remember them in the morning.
4) I’ll probably get a family out of it.

But that’s it, really. The hormones are fucking INSANE. I’m forgetful, moody, bloated, moody, nauseous, moody, uncomfortable, moody, and moody.
I never hear about women who think pregnancy kind of sucks- I only hear what a blessing it is, and how goddess like they feel…
How many goddesses do you know who puke every day and watch new zits on their face form, bitching about how the world’s best drug makes them feel like absolute shit anymore? Yeah, me either. Maybe it’s a feminist thing, and I just never read that particular chapter… It can be alienating, knowing everyone wants me to be happy and healthy and proud and yet feeling mostly nauseous and nervous….
I don’t really know many women who have had babies, and the one’s I do know seem like motherhood is the most natural thing in the world…
And nature for me, lately, is full of the most wicked hormones I’ve ever experienced.


4 Responses to “wicked moody”

  1. kazari Says:

    Find yourself a pre-natal yoga class – ASAP!!!
    Honestly, it was the best thing ever when I was pregnant. Not just because I walked away at the end feeling all stretchy and relaxed, but because at the beginning of each class the instructor would go around the circle and see what each of us was dealing with that week.
    Sore feet, clicky hips, sore back, bloating, zits, hormones… it was so nice to know I wasn’t the only one. And we all got to compare notes.

    • batspit Says:

      but that would mean getting off my lazy, tired butt! You’re totally right though, I’ve got a class bookmarked, just haven’t gone yet. Thanks for the encouragement 🙂

  2. changling Says:

    new name, old friend whose too-long been a creeper.

    You can do it, Eli.

  3. smoothpebble Says:

    letter forthcoming!

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