How to clean a break

6 August, 2009

Moon Lilly with Bee

I cleaned out a tenant’s apartment with my grandpa yesterday- it was disgusting. When Eli got off work I made him walk over and check out the mountain of trash we removed. He said it looked like the tenants must have given up at some point. He’s probably right. They had piles of things like mini-blinds (minus the hardware required to use them, I might add) which they had clearly intended, at some point, to use.

I understand giving up, I think. At some points the now is so dreadful that really and truly the only way to stop perpetuating the dread is to make a clean break, accept the fail and move on, move to something better. I get it.

But, it seems to me, there should be some emphasis on the ‘clean’ part of the break. Now, no break is going to be truly clean without some work- sweeping up the broken glass, at fucking least. Taking the garbage to the curb- something. If you don’t make it a clean break, if you just, say, walk away, then it’s not really a fail- not something to learn from. If you leave your dreadful for someone else to clean up then you haven’t really given up, not really, and the dreadful, it won’t stop either.

I hope. Because their trash was GROSS and it’s not fair that we had to clean it.

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3 Responses to “How to clean a break”

  1. GraceArtemis Says:

    I once had to clean up the other half of an apartment (J was moving out) where the roommate only ate energy bars and beer, grew pot, never took out the trash, never cleaned up after himself, had once thrown up on a pile of somebody else’s dishes and sometimes missed the toilet. Truly a roommate from hell whose crap was always trying to invade every space it could. The cleaning process was a day I’d like to forget.

  2. jackie Says:

    this post is full of volumes of insight, maybe more than you realize. at least for me in this moment. daily i want to give up, but i guess it’s completely unfair to leave my junk for someone else to sweep up after.
    moving away from the metaphorical (sheesh i hope i used that word in the right way) brian and i once entered his brother’s apt. and it was a nightmare, like something out of a horror movie. piles of stuff everywhere, nothing in its place and no designated place for anything. smelly too. a combination of body odor and room spray. i wanted to get the hell out of there immediately. it was a physical manifestation of his brother’s mental illness.


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