2 Days

22 May, 2009

iris

Truth is, bald and honest and disappointing, that sometimes I just can’t deal. Sometimes plans fail in an instant, sometimes I step in dog shit four times in one day, sometimes I am so fucking confident I know humility will knock me out in a matter of seconds, just to equalize the air pressure. Truth is, I’m only good at the depreciating jokes, the absurd ones make me laugh and the sick twisted ribbon of a well-turned phrase will make me pee my pants, but the one’s I tell, they’re only funny if they’re mean.

I remember back in high school, talking with one of my girlfriends. She is hilarious, always making a joke, always looking for a laugh. I told her once there was no such thing as a joke that wasn’t cruel in some way. She argued vehemently at the time, but years later told me she still hadn’t been able to think of a joke that wasn’t at someone or something else’s expense. She doesn’t really do comedy anymore. But she is still funny.

(For example, our last text message to each other:
G: U R all ok after the storm?
Me: we’re ok- no power, water, gas
G: DON’T GO TO THE SUPERDOME)

My entire being (or becoming, if you’re into that kind of thing) has been completely swallowed by wedding… which is… three days from now. AND I have a massive case of the hiccups but can’t motivate myself into getting a glass of water or sitting upright even though I have hiccupped 8- now 9 times in typing this one sentence- make that 11. Even my laziness stops with 11. Hang on-

ok-

better.

So like I was saying, I don’t like it when I loose my cool. And I lost my cool like, oh, a month ago. I feel like a huge bitch and a horrible person and totally selfish but goddamnit, it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to and fuuuuuuck it’s not like everything has to be perfect, I don’t care if it’s perfect, I just want it done, like yesterday and oh my god do I abuse the run-on sentence rules I so carefully avoid in my professional writing. (I swear, I can write professionally, just not here, not where I do this for myself, and for the pleasure of attention.)

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One Response to “2 Days”

  1. smoothpebble Says:

    Hi Lea! Just checking in before I hit the road tomorrow and head your way! And just when I thought I loved you enough you just let it all hang loose the last few days, and well, I love you even more! Even when you sport a facade it’s a pretty damn honest facade (at least in this space). I will be coming with a bar of soap though! Not really, but you knew that already. I know we will hardly have time for each other, and I don’t expect much more than to look you in the eye and get a hug. And sit there smiling from ear to ear as you marry your love!


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