Post Meridiem

I am having serious issues with my alarm clocks.

Yes, I drink enough coffee to kill a small elephant, yes, I take sleeping pills to counter-act the caffeine, and yes, I know I deserve every bit of my sleep issues, but, even when I accomplish the impossible it doesn’t matter. (The impossible, so you know, is me falling asleep before midnight). After a week of missing alarms and being late however, I was determined to accomplish the impossible. But even after succeeding and curling into sleep before the magic hour I STILL slept in.

A novice sleep-thief might answer sensibly to buy and set an alarm clock- let me assure you, I have tried. I now have two alarms, both of which have taken to ringing at completely random points in the day when my brain is so otherwise occupied it takes a good 15 minutes to realize what the intrusion is.

Setting the alarm last night, I could have sworn the PM on the display was meant to symbolize the hours after noon, but apparently my alarm-clock thinks differently*. Should I change it, however, the alarm will inevitably change it’s mind about the ordering of days and nights and I will be forever lost in the empty space of homogenous time**.

And forget about my cell-phone alarm, which seems to have a mind and attitude all its own (the last time it went off in class it also turned on the voice navigation and the entire class got to hear directions to the hospital before I could shut it off).

I might need to have you start calling me at 8am.

*In the alarm-clock’s defense, I bought it because it projects pretty colors on the ceiling and not because it works well.

**I am using this term incorrectly, albeit intentionally