Language is a mixed fucking metaphore

21 October, 2008

makanda

You tell me to write (in your subtle and not-so-subtle ways). You demand it. You don’t care about content, you don’t care about spelling, you just want me to dump it all out on the page, the potential in actuating- I’m never so alive as when I’m writing, I tell you, yet never so far from where I am-

Well, I’ve tricked you all, haven’t I, you think I’m smart, you think I’m strong and I am strong but as I’ve heard it stated before: I have a good game face. A good game face is all but sometimes I crumble for no good reason and yes I can take it, will take it, but it sucks all the same, I whimper and moan as I’m falling asleep remembering all the stupid things I said to you- not a thought about the stupid things you’ve said- no- in my head you’re either brilliant or omniscient or I forgive you your imperfection as I could never forgive myself- instantly, without further thought and with true compassion-

Then you ask where the scholarship is, what the point is, where I’m going with all this. There must be an argument, you tell me, a point. Why the hell else would you kill yourself with this, asking a question you think I already answered, a question I shouldn’t be so afraid of. You go through with your red pen and you like the tangents, you see real-ness there, but it’s not enough, you want more:

A point. An argument. My reason for speaking, the motivation. You like my method, you really do, but you just want to know, need to know, no I need to know so then you can know, why.

I answer in a small voice that convinces neither of us. I mutter something about the doing being as important as the effect. You shake your head. We move on.

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2 Responses to “Language is a mixed fucking metaphore”

  1. smoothpebble Says:

    Heed the Golden Rule – treat yourself as you treat others, “forgive yourself without futher thought and true compassion!” We are all stupid, every single last one of us.


  2. well here I was, all set to be profound, and I see smoothpebble’s reply.

    so nevermind! I hath been outprofounded.


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