And to think they let you answer phones

6 July, 2008

To the insipid troll who makes my life harder than it needs to be:

That orange tunic you wear with the black sequins around the booby-darts?  Is hideous and makes you look pregnant.   I implore you to stop wearing it every week- once a year (Halloween) would be more than enough usage for you to get what you paid for it.  I know you have other ugly clothes that are far less offensive—wear those.
While I have you here, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for finally going on a diet.  I don’t really need to hear about it every five minutes, but I’m super-excited that my lunch will still be in the fridge when I look for it.
And for the record, I’m trying not to hate you for being stupid, I really am.   Could you perhaps make your disdain and constant shit-talking about my family a little more subtle? It would make it so much easier for me not to have to scratch your eyes out. (Of course, then you would have to understand the complex and daunting words ‘disdain’ and ‘subtle’. We can discuss these terms, but only if you can try not to pronounce the word “wash” as ‘warsh’ just once. That extra R (for redneck?) you throw in makes my fillings ache).

Sincerely,
Yours

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4 Responses to “And to think they let you answer phones”

  1. Nanci Says:

    Hi, Lea!

    I own you some news 🙂

    Nice to see some new writings of you! I will write you a new letter soon…

    Kisses!

    Nanci

  2. Pare Says:

    I lied. “Eli thinks you look like a fat Odo from Deep Space 9” is the best tag ever. My mistake.

  3. smoothpebble Says:

    Funny! It’s probably good that I have a pretty good filter sytem on my mouth and writing hand or no telling what might fly…..

  4. batspit Says:

    I hope you have a good ear and eye filter too!


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